SURVEY OF THE WEEK: Stupid crime

You expect surveys from companies promoting their products to be daft.

You don’t expect them to be dangerous.

I know crime stats are ridiculed by opposition politicians – but what if they come from an insurance company?

Well, they ain’t gonna say the world’s a safe place, are they?

The geeks at the spreadsheets working for Zurich Insurance have revealed Britain has a walking wealth of 339billion.

That means the average Briton carries with them items with an ‘on the street value’ of £851. Quite what ‘on the street’ means, it doesn’t say. High street value? Equal monetary value to £851 of drugs? I dunno.

And there are some quite astounding findings. Apparently professionals over the age of 35 have the most expensive taste in gadgets. Gosh, so it’s middle aged men in suits who like playing with their Blackberries. I’d never have guessed!

Women tend to carry £904-worth of goods with men, with men £725. It’s a good way of drumming up new business, isn’t it. Tell greedy criminals how each person on the street is a potential cash windfall down the pawn shop, and scare half the country to death to boot.

But let’s look at the stats. £851-worth of stuff each? Mobile phone = £100. iPod – maybe £200. Wallet with cash = £60 (average person carries £40 apparently). What else is there? Blackberry perhaps. Add another couple of hundred.

I’m still falling short of the target here. Why’s that? Surely Zurich hasn’t based its figures on actual claim people have made? It wouldn’t be that daft, would it?