SURVEY OF THE WEEK: Eggs and repeats on TV

TV COMPANIES love nothing more than a bit of cheap publicity to get the viewers tuning it. It's certainly not as expensive as original programming.

That said, original programming isn't really an option for UKTV Gold, which prides itself on showing only repeats. In fact, it's the satellite channel you go to if you want to watch repeats. It guarantees repeats, whereas the main terrestrial channels simply ensure you are quite likely to see a repeat when you tune into them.

So perhaps we can forgive UKTV Gold for turning to a specially-commissioned survey to drum up a bit of interest.

They asked people to name the best TV one-liner of all time. Winner? Peter Kay's "Garlic bread, it's the future - I've tasted it."

Sorry, is someone having a laugh here. That's the best one-liner TV has ever produced. If it is so fantastic, then how come it didn't make it on to a list of famous 'Bolton one-liners' being drawn up to be permanently imprinted on pavements in Kay's home town.

Surely a one-liner has to be funny if it stands the test of time. And surely it doesn't, by its nature, involve the person telling it to put on the worst cloth-cap-and-whipper accent to try and pull it off.

The one that came in at number two, by Carloine Aherne, in her guise as Mrs Merton, asked: "So Debbie McGhee, what attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

It's something we've all thought, and therefore could laugh at. But how many of us have though seriously hard about garlic bread? And will it stand the test of time.

As Victor Meldrew said: "I don't believe it." And there's one that will, by the way.

PS: Seeing as most academic research boils down to little more than just a survey of people sitting near to a student, I was tempted to include this one from the University of Israel. Apparently eating eggs and bacon for breakfast gives you the best start to the day. Eggs and bacon in Israel? Just who did they get to test that?