Motorway Blues

I've been away this last week - hence the lack of postings - so I've spent more time on the road than on the train.

When I say road, what I actually mean is the M6, and as a result of my continual trips up and down what is apparently the dullest road in Britain (according to a survey carried out by Cornhill Insurance), I have 10 questions:

1.Do we really need motorway matrix signs to announce things like: 'Spray on Road, slow down' or 'Don't drive tired, take a break.' Surely they should be obvious. If it's not, you shouldn't be on the road.

2. Why does it seem to take people by surprise that they have to pay when they get to the barrier on the M6 toll road?

3. Why do I ALWAYS end up in the slowest lane of three when I'm in a motorway traffic jam?

4. Why do motorway service stations now seem to think that we might want to buy go-karts, tents, weather stations and new clothes when popping in for a bag of crisps and a bottle of pop?

5. Where have all the free cash machines gone from motorway service stations?

6. Is there a driving instructor somewhere who teaches people it's ok to cruise down the middle lane once it's dark?

7. Has the motorway matrix ever read: "M6 Js 6-9 clear, M6 TOLL congested' instead of the other way round (which is always a tad convieniant?!?)

8. Why do traffic and travel readers never a) mention the traffic jam you're in or b) always forget to mention the 12-mile tailback 15 minutes in front of where you are?

9. Do drivers of a) Range Rovers, b) cheap-end BMWs, c) Jaguars of all sizes and d) chavved-up Corsas with blue lights underneath, have special powers to stop them from crashing enabling them to travel at 100mph safely when it's raining?

10. What's the point of carrying out a survey of the dullest roads in the UK? Does it make YOU want to buy insurance from Cornhill. To nick the phrase from a rival insurance company's dog mascot and tweek it a bit: Oh Noooo!